It turns out a day at the beach, mid-week, is the perfect time to get inspiration for my blog.
I decided to go with my three children and our aupair to cope with the horrid heath wave that is currently plaguing us and the lack of central air conditioning in our house.
As I rapidly and efficiently scan the area to identify the best spot to settle on, I find myself catching my breath at the sight! Oh mid-week ! I was going to have to sit next to all the Stepfordy mums from the surrounding areas, who decided to spend the day at the beach with their friends and their children. On hindsight not such a relaxing day after all!
Still the hot breeze from the sea was relieving, and cooling down by the water was just what everyone needed! With a temperature of 39.5 degree Celsius outside, even the very cold waters around here, which normally give you leg cramps, became soon very appealing.
I am sure our arrival disrupted their day at the beach just as much they disrupted mine!
With a parenting style that can be spotted from a mile away: no fancy frilled hats, no beach coveralls (someone has to explain this one to me), no vitamin water, no superfluous snacks, no accessories, no useless toys, no picnic blanket. Our spot is bare and uninviting, nachos (a favorite for the ferocious local seagulls when left unattended) are replaced by a sandwich and a piece of fruit or a yogurt, and for mommy vitamin water is replaced by diet coke (with evil caffeine)!
But what really preceded us is of course the yelling, the cursing, and the threatening that could be heard from miles away, an attempt on my part to scare the hell out of the terrible trio, so we could at least hope to get to the end of the day.
Sure enough not the role model these women were hoping to share their beach spot with. And this morning to top it all, mommy, coming out of a hellish week at work, had forgotten to shave!
With no shame I proceeded to show off an orange bikini "Doctor No" style ! As I sit nearby to cool off in the shallow waters with my son, I involuntarily indulge into listening in on their conversations.
To my surprise (or not), I end up witnessing what is commonly and famously known as a pissing contest. In a not so subtle way, they casually unloaded their judgement first on their friends and then on themselves trying to assert who amongst them was the perfect mum and domestic goddess. Topics varied from "who had the latest bedding from pottery barn and who had spent the most on it" (everyone agreeing 300 dollars seemed a fair price) to "whose kids scored highest on the baby growth charts".
Fascinating, I wonder if there is a unwritten code: "Must have pottery barn everything" !
The contrast deepens. In a very stern voice I threatened "eat your sandwich or you will see what happens to you", while my rival softly and gently moved her daughter away from the water with:"sweetie lets move over here and make sand castles away from the water. Over there the sand castles get very sad when the water gets to them". I paused and asked myself "really?" "do they really get sad?".
Her demeanor reminded me of the female of the crocodile species who is phenomenally gentle at carrying her young with those same jaws which are also known as the "jaws of death".
I quickly return to yelling, nagging and threatening in yet again another desperate attempt to get my children out of the waters; while doing so I wondered if a fitter approach by gently and softly suggesting a giant crab is about to pinch their toes would work!
Still nothing beats a "sad sand castle".
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Mary Poppins meets Nanny McPhee
Simply overwhelming! A database full of girls aged 18 to 27 (mostly 18).
Where to begin? How to find your Mary Poppins?
There is no simple answer!
For sure, once you find the right girl the experience is very rewarding. As the year slowly unfolds, they become part of your family and suddenly upon their departure a big empty hole is left to fill (or to put it in layman's terms, sheer panic of being left alone at the mercy of the terrible trio finally sets in!).
There is no happily ever after. The road to the attainment of this short lived happiness is full of challenges and compromises and so at best you may get a nanny McPhee, only before getting prettier she may get uglier...
And if you are now thinking you can do better than this because your master/ PhD in management and psychology will surely allow you to make the selection process effective and successful, think again! You can't make it the the Six-Sigma way:
You simply cannot Improve capability and Reduce defects in the process.
These beautiful and enchanting personalities are unpredictable!
Having said all of the above, if you are still set in making your aupair selection a manifacturing process then here are a few pointers to get you started on this journey or better the " How to choose the best aupair for your family".
Choose a girl who is:
If you managed to find an aupair that fits the bill then you are ready for the honey moon or the brochure experience !
Where to begin? How to find your Mary Poppins?
There is no simple answer!
For sure, once you find the right girl the experience is very rewarding. As the year slowly unfolds, they become part of your family and suddenly upon their departure a big empty hole is left to fill (or to put it in layman's terms, sheer panic of being left alone at the mercy of the terrible trio finally sets in!).
There is no happily ever after. The road to the attainment of this short lived happiness is full of challenges and compromises and so at best you may get a nanny McPhee, only before getting prettier she may get uglier...
And if you are now thinking you can do better than this because your master/ PhD in management and psychology will surely allow you to make the selection process effective and successful, think again! You can't make it the the Six-Sigma way:
You simply cannot Improve capability and Reduce defects in the process.
These beautiful and enchanting personalities are unpredictable!
Having said all of the above, if you are still set in making your aupair selection a manifacturing process then here are a few pointers to get you started on this journey or better the " How to choose the best aupair for your family".
Choose a girl who is:
- pretty. Honestly, you and your family will need to look at her for a whole year! So if you trust your husband go for it! Note only if you can trust your husband: you all know what happened to the body of host mom Tara Grant when Victoria Secret catalogue-like aupair begun an affair with her husband!)
- over, over 18. Especially if you have small children and need help. Remember regardless of the age, you will acquire an older sibling for your child. Just like your other children, they will be totally dependent on you, will not clean after themselves, will need your guidance every step of the way, will fight with each other, and will suffer existential crisis from time to time.
- received an excellent score on the overall profile examination carried out by the agency. Excellent will at best give you a moderately depressed aupair who has personality and self esteem issues :)!
- fit and healthy so that they will be able to run after your children, and also will be less likely to eat down the house! And no, I am sorry but considering to hire an aupair with an eating disorder to reduce your costs, it is not an available option and also unethical:)!
- of compatible believes with your family or else be prepared to give her a room that faces Mecca!
- possibly not an only child, floating around behaving like the "little princess" may not be of much help!
- of a similar socio-economical background, just like your own children and common leaches they will suck you dry ...only they were never in your womb!
If you managed to find an aupair that fits the bill then you are ready for the honey moon or the brochure experience !
Friday, June 10, 2011
Diaries of a Host Family
We have all thoroughly enjoyed the light hearted and humorous film "The Nanny Diaries", the tales of a college graduate as a nanny for a dysfunctional rich New York family....
...and now I present you with the "Diaries of a Host Mum" the tale of a middle class host family and their dysfunctional aupairs.
In fact even google is of the same opinion. If you run a search using the word "dysfunctional nanny" the top five hits are sites for au pair agency. Who knew! A simple google search could have saved 5 years of irrational and ridiculous.
There is no more pain now, there is no more feeling, I am ready to tell ....so stay tuned!
...and now I present you with the "Diaries of a Host Mum" the tale of a middle class host family and their dysfunctional aupairs.
In fact even google is of the same opinion. If you run a search using the word "dysfunctional nanny" the top five hits are sites for au pair agency. Who knew! A simple google search could have saved 5 years of irrational and ridiculous.
There is no more pain now, there is no more feeling, I am ready to tell ....so stay tuned!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
William & Kate
Well what else? This event truly deserves a post!
I did get up at 5.00 am and it was totally worth it. What a special day for Britain. A real fairytale, a beautiful princess, a handsome (ish) prince, the two ugly sisters (Eugenie and Beatrice) and happily ever after.
Catherine (I have since learned that now that she is royal, we are not longer allowed to address her as Kate), however, is not really a princess rather a Duchess and more specifically the Duchess of Cambridge. A few royal titles were bestowed upon her by Her Majesty the Queen but not that of "princess". Shame! She is certainly as beautiful, modest, reserved and dignified as a princess!
The two ugly sister really contributed a laugh or two, with their grotesque figures, uncomfortably enhanced by hideous outfits and accessories, absolutely priceless and the whole mark of British fashion flops.
On a contrasting note, the wedding gown of our princess (not really a princess) was spectacularly exquisite, what a triumph, but then we wouldn't really expect anything less by the great Sara Burton!
This modern day fairytale was most definitively needed, refreshing....
I did get up at 5.00 am and it was totally worth it. What a special day for Britain. A real fairytale, a beautiful princess, a handsome (ish) prince, the two ugly sisters (Eugenie and Beatrice) and happily ever after.
Catherine (I have since learned that now that she is royal, we are not longer allowed to address her as Kate), however, is not really a princess rather a Duchess and more specifically the Duchess of Cambridge. A few royal titles were bestowed upon her by Her Majesty the Queen but not that of "princess". Shame! She is certainly as beautiful, modest, reserved and dignified as a princess!
The two ugly sister really contributed a laugh or two, with their grotesque figures, uncomfortably enhanced by hideous outfits and accessories, absolutely priceless and the whole mark of British fashion flops.
On a contrasting note, the wedding gown of our princess (not really a princess) was spectacularly exquisite, what a triumph, but then we wouldn't really expect anything less by the great Sara Burton!
This modern day fairytale was most definitively needed, refreshing....
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Three boys....Do The Deed Once More?
The snow is melting, spring is in the air, hormones are raving and I am almost 40.
As I walk the streets near my work or outside my sons school I can't help noticing I am not alone. I am surrounded by ageless women in their 40s, who would do anything to fulfill the hormonal urge to copulate once more.
Some are thinking about it, some are doing it, some have already done it!
As my mind entertains the idea of a little princess finally joining our family, I find it increasingly difficult to fight this uncontrollable and primordial urge which is taking over my body. Reason is temporarily restored when I am brutally awaken by my husband's cynical and reluctant attitude, mainly a consequence of increasing daycare costs.
Still there is no question that the number of children per family is on the raise. Are we being sucked in by a new trend? Perhaps, it may well be the Hollywood baby boom or a Brangelina effect or maybe simply a phase we all have to endure.
With the increase in births, a new breed of women is on the raise as well, those who can indeed do it all, balancing the immense demands of work and family life.
As I try to see myself, I live in fear of how others see me.
In an astonishing way, I have recently realized how people perception of you changes depending on the number of children you have: two children make you average, three make you cool, respected and admired, and four just make you an outcast! Something to think about since I am pretty cool right now!
And then there is work, women in high-level positions and the unwritten rules! Women with children are generally underrepresented and most certainly women with four children! No matter how capable and efficient you are (trust me)! People generally assume that is men that discriminate but I have got news for you it is both men and women.
My 10 years of management experience can certainly tell you that the female of the species is always more deadly than the male. In particular we must distance ourselves from those overachieving single white females that occupy high level management positions and that make the air we breathe instantly frigid by their mere presence.
There is is a distinct possibility that I already unknowingly forfeited advancing my career when I had my third child!
While longing to rock the cradle we must use caution not to rock an entire boat!
As I walk the streets near my work or outside my sons school I can't help noticing I am not alone. I am surrounded by ageless women in their 40s, who would do anything to fulfill the hormonal urge to copulate once more.
Some are thinking about it, some are doing it, some have already done it!
As my mind entertains the idea of a little princess finally joining our family, I find it increasingly difficult to fight this uncontrollable and primordial urge which is taking over my body. Reason is temporarily restored when I am brutally awaken by my husband's cynical and reluctant attitude, mainly a consequence of increasing daycare costs.
Still there is no question that the number of children per family is on the raise. Are we being sucked in by a new trend? Perhaps, it may well be the Hollywood baby boom or a Brangelina effect or maybe simply a phase we all have to endure.
With the increase in births, a new breed of women is on the raise as well, those who can indeed do it all, balancing the immense demands of work and family life.
As I try to see myself, I live in fear of how others see me.
In an astonishing way, I have recently realized how people perception of you changes depending on the number of children you have: two children make you average, three make you cool, respected and admired, and four just make you an outcast! Something to think about since I am pretty cool right now!
And then there is work, women in high-level positions and the unwritten rules! Women with children are generally underrepresented and most certainly women with four children! No matter how capable and efficient you are (trust me)! People generally assume that is men that discriminate but I have got news for you it is both men and women.
My 10 years of management experience can certainly tell you that the female of the species is always more deadly than the male. In particular we must distance ourselves from those overachieving single white females that occupy high level management positions and that make the air we breathe instantly frigid by their mere presence.
There is is a distinct possibility that I already unknowingly forfeited advancing my career when I had my third child!
While longing to rock the cradle we must use caution not to rock an entire boat!
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Placebo Effect or simply the art of caring
I am fascinated with this recent article on Boston.com:
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/articles/2011/03/07/can_chronic_medical_conditions_including_depression_be_treated_with_placebos/
I read with great interest all the theories put forward in this article to explain the healing effect of placebos. Irritable bowel syndrome cured by a sugar pill, depression cured by antidepressant with little effect, sham treatments doing wonders....what is the secret?
The article raises interesting questions with regard to placebo effectiveness: How important is seeing a doctor that believes in the treatment? and I will have to add: how important is to see one that cares for the patient!
Yes indeed medicine is an art and modern practitioners have not mastered it.
Francis Peabody said in 1925
" ....For the secret of the care of the patient is in caring for the patient"
What happened to caring for the patient?....As we lose our trust in our doctors who are too preoccupied with the scientific mechanisms of a disease, we also lose trust in ourselves and in our ability to cope.
Medicine has been and it will always be an art, since ancient times a mixture of science and magic. We like spells, potions, herbs and placebos too. Sadly this art is no longer taught.
Diagnosis and treatment of a disease it is only one part of it, but the complicity of a patient-doctor relationship is the missing piece that completes the puzzle and allows for success of treatment and well being of the patient.
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/articles/2011/03/07/can_chronic_medical_conditions_including_depression_be_treated_with_placebos/
I read with great interest all the theories put forward in this article to explain the healing effect of placebos. Irritable bowel syndrome cured by a sugar pill, depression cured by antidepressant with little effect, sham treatments doing wonders....what is the secret?
The article raises interesting questions with regard to placebo effectiveness: How important is seeing a doctor that believes in the treatment? and I will have to add: how important is to see one that cares for the patient!
Yes indeed medicine is an art and modern practitioners have not mastered it.
Francis Peabody said in 1925
" ....For the secret of the care of the patient is in caring for the patient"
What happened to caring for the patient?....As we lose our trust in our doctors who are too preoccupied with the scientific mechanisms of a disease, we also lose trust in ourselves and in our ability to cope.
Medicine has been and it will always be an art, since ancient times a mixture of science and magic. We like spells, potions, herbs and placebos too. Sadly this art is no longer taught.
Diagnosis and treatment of a disease it is only one part of it, but the complicity of a patient-doctor relationship is the missing piece that completes the puzzle and allows for success of treatment and well being of the patient.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Facebook and Family Feuds
I wonder how many disputes has Facebook created among families and friends!
Given that I have now fallen out with two family members and two friends and I don't even use Facebook that much, I can't help wondering what is happening to everyone else's friendship status.
It is easy to gain friends but it is just as easy to loose them!
So should we come up with a code of ethic? Something like:
1) do not accept friendship from an old boyfriend/girlfriend of your sister/daughter/brother/son/mother/father etc. just because it was a good guy or girl
2) do not leave a confrontational or snide comment as a response to one of your friends of friends post (oh boy this is a tongue twister! In my case it managed to cause a Facebook Flaming)
3) do not accept friendship from relatives and friends of your husband/wives and friends in general without their permission
4) do not accept friendship from nannies or employees of your friends or relatives without their permission
5) do not upload pictures of your family, your friends, and your friends' children without their permission
6) do not post sensitive or private issues/content on your friends wall, write them a private e-mail instead
7) Exercise the freedom of speech politely and respectfully
8) Don't lie on you status updates, you will get caught
9) If you are married or in a relationship, don't flirt with an old high school friend
10) Don't call friends and family, or friends of friends and family with inappropriate names, it will most certainly cause offense
Well these are the first 10 but I think there is more!
What a fascinating phenomenon...
Given that I have now fallen out with two family members and two friends and I don't even use Facebook that much, I can't help wondering what is happening to everyone else's friendship status.
It is easy to gain friends but it is just as easy to loose them!
So should we come up with a code of ethic? Something like:
1) do not accept friendship from an old boyfriend/girlfriend of your sister/daughter/brother/son/mother/father etc. just because it was a good guy or girl
2) do not leave a confrontational or snide comment as a response to one of your friends of friends post (oh boy this is a tongue twister! In my case it managed to cause a Facebook Flaming)
3) do not accept friendship from relatives and friends of your husband/wives and friends in general without their permission
4) do not accept friendship from nannies or employees of your friends or relatives without their permission
5) do not upload pictures of your family, your friends, and your friends' children without their permission
6) do not post sensitive or private issues/content on your friends wall, write them a private e-mail instead
7) Exercise the freedom of speech politely and respectfully
8) Don't lie on you status updates, you will get caught
9) If you are married or in a relationship, don't flirt with an old high school friend
10) Don't call friends and family, or friends of friends and family with inappropriate names, it will most certainly cause offense
Well these are the first 10 but I think there is more!
What a fascinating phenomenon...
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